Joe And Anna My Story
by Lolagemeow
Summary: This story is based on my experience with a guy I know. Everything is real and authentic. Anna and Joe have been best friends since they were young. Where will life take them? In this story you find out. Please read.
1. The Day We Met

Chapter 1

My life has never exactly been simple, but when I met Joe Jeraz, my life changed forever. It was a normal day, Friday to be exact. I have no recollection of the exact date, although I should. I remember it as being the day I met him for the first time. I was ten years old, in year five at primary school and pretty much normal… at least I think I was…

'Anna! Time for school!" Mum called up the stairs. I arose from my warm and rather comfortable bed groggily, not particularly wanting to go to school. I decided to catch ten more minutes of sleep. I drifted off again but woke up what seemed a moment later. I looked at my clock.

"Shoot! I'm going to be late'" I cried. I frantically had a quick wash, brushed my teeth and hair, put my uniform on and dashed out to the car. Mum was waiting rather impatiently for me.

'Anna, you're going to have to get up earlier! You can't be late all the time' Mum said.

'It doesn't matter anyway' I moaned.

'You're attendance can't be very high, that could affect your future' Mum persisted.

'I'll worry about that later on in life, right now I'm working on a scheme to get out of going to school in the first place' I mumbled.

'You won't get that past me' Mum said, raising her eyebrows.

'Yeah yeah' I moaned sarcastically. We arrived outside my battered primary school. It was practically falling apart. I didn't care. It was the summer holidays in two weeks and after that I'd only have one year left in the dump but even that was too much. I got out of the car and kissed Mum goodbye.

'You're going to Grandma's after school so walk there' Mum said.

'Okay' I called, striding through the gates. My Grandma lived fifteen minutes away from school. I didn't mind because I could walk with my friends Kristy and Tanya. I ran over to them. They were lounging casually against the wall chewing gum and messing around with their cheap mobile phones.

'Are you guys ever going to update those two pieces of crap?" I asked, hopping onto the wall.

'What?' Tanya asked.

'You're mobile phones?' I said, pointing to the brick in her hand.

'I'm getting a new one for my birthday' Kristy said.

'Lush' I said.

'Lucky more like! I ain't getting one until like next year' Tanya whined. The bell rang interrupting our conversation. We shuffled inside and got to class. We met again at lunch because I had to stay in and finish some work at break.

'Naughty Anna' Tanya chastised.

'I don't care' I said cooly.

'You never do' Kristy said. The school 'fittie' Jed walked past.

'Hi girls' He smiled, waving.

'Hey Jed' We said. Kristy and Tanya started giggling.

'He is so fit!' Tanya giggled.

'I reckon he fancies me' Kristy smiled.

'He fancies me more' Tanya said.

'How did you work that one out?' Kristy asked.

'He looked at me more' Tanya said.

'No he didn't, he looked at me more' Kristy said.

'Anna, who did he look at more?' Tanya asked.

'I dunno, I wasn't ogling at him like you two twonks' I said, eating my lunch.

'How can you not fancy him Anna?' Kristy asked.

'Yeah?' Tanya chipped in.

'I guess he just ain't my type' I said, uninterested.

'What is your type then?' Kristy asked.

'Yeah, who do you fancy Anna?' Tanya asked.

'No one, I ain't really interested in boys at the moment if you get me' I mumbled.

'How can you not be interested in boys?' Kristy asked.

'They just don't appeal to me at the moment' I said, awkwardly nibbling my sandwich.

'Weirdo' Tanya and Kristy said at the same time. I shoved them playfully. After school I walked to my Grandma's house with Kristy and Tanya. On the way a boy cycled past. He looked back at us with a massive smile on his face. He had black hair and olive-skin.

'Oh my god!' Tanya squealed.

'What?' I asked, bewildered.

'Blaine Jeraz just smiled at you!' Kristy cried.

'What's the big deal?' I asked.

'He's so hot! And he's from Brazil, he lives along this street' Tanya said excitedly.

'Wow, exciting' I said sarcastically. I arrived at Grandma's and waved goodbye to Kristy and Tanya.

'Anna darling! We're going down the shop to get dinner' Grandma called, as soon as I walked through the cluttered doorway.

'Okay Grandma' I called. She came shuffling out of the living room, shoved some old battered shoes on, grabbed her walking stick and opened the front door. The local shop was only down the road from where my Grandma lived.

'Get what you want' She said. I grabbed a ready meal while she got a tub of ice cream. We paid and walked out. This is where the story really began. We were just nearing the road that Grandma lived on when a boy came round the corner. He looked like Blaine but he was taller and his hair was a little longer. His eyes were a shade of chocolate brown.

'Hi Janet' He said to Grandma.

'Hi Joe, this is my granddaughter Anna' Grandma said.

'Hey Anna' He smiled.

'Hi Joe' I smiled. He wasn't particularly much to look at, at least I thought that.

'What have you been doing then?' Grandma asked.

'Oh you know, school and stuff' Joe said.

'Yeah? Lot's of homework?' Grandma asked.

'Yeah' He said. He had quite a strong accent.

'Has Blaine been bothering you now he's started at your school?' Grandma asked. Then it clicked. He must be Blaine's older brother by the looks of it.

'Not really, he kind of stays with his friends' Joe said. They kept talking. He had a sister called Jane and his mother and father were called Elsie and Brandon.

'Anyway, I'd better be off now' Joe said.

'Okay, bye Joe' Grandma smiled.

'Bye, bye Anna' He smiled.

'Bye Joe' I smiled. He walked off. He had the same eyes and smile as Blaine. We walked back to Grandma's house.

'So where do Joe and Blaine live?' I asked Grandma, as I was eating my dinner. I had forgotten what Tanya had said earlier about living on the same street as Grandma.

'They live two doors down, their father Brandon is such a lovely chap' Grandma said, sipping her tea.

'Cool, do you ever go round there?' I asked.

'Yes, I'm very friendly with Elsie, their mother' Grandma said. I wasn't particularly interested, I was just being nosey. My Mum came and picked me up an hour later.

'So what did you do today?' Mum asked.

'Not much, met some guy called Joe and kind of met his brother Blaine' I said.

'Kind of?' Mum asked.

'He went past on his bike' I said. She raised her eyebrows.

'So you've found your match then?' Mum laughed.

'I don't think so Mum' I muttered. Who would have known I could have been so wrong.


	2. The Day I Went Round Your House

Chapter 2

The next Friday I went to Grandma's again. As soon as I walked through the door, Grandma stepped out.

'Anna, we've been invited round Brandon's house for dinner' She said. Oh dear.

'Okay' I moaned. I walked back out of the door again. We walked down the road and knocked on their door. A tall man with an accent opened the door.

'Hello Janet and this must be Anna' He said, smiling. He was bald and wore glasses. He had a kind face. Blaine poked his head around the door.

'Hey' He smiled.

'Hey' I said. He didn't have any trace of an accent. He was pretty much English all round apart from the fact that he had olive-skin and that Brazilian look about him. Brandon lead us into the living room, shutting the door with a loud thump, making me jump. An olive-skinned woman with long shoulder length black hair looked up from a book and smiled.

'Hello, you must be Anna, lovely to meet you, I'm Elsie' She rambled out, obviously happy to meet me.

'Hi, nice to meet you too Elsie' I smiled. A girl with olive-skin and light brown hair was slumped in the chair across from her looking rather bored.

'That's Jane, she doesn't really get on with many people' Elsie said.

'Yeah she kind of does her own thing' Blaine smiled.

'Hello! In the room!' Jane suddenly exclaimed, revealing a Brazilian accent almost as strong as Joe's. Joe stepped in.

'Hi again' He smiled, he seemed quieter than he had been when talking to Grandma.

'Well, now we have all introduction's out of the way, would you like to hang out Anna?' Blaine asked.

'Sure, that would be cool' I smiled.

'Okay' He smiled. He lead me out to their back garden. It was patio with a lawn attached to it and a brick path leading down the edge. There was a trampoline in one corner, in front of a shed and a pool in the other. This was soon to be a scene I would never forget. A dog padded up to us.

'This is Kayne' Blaine smiled, patting him.

'Cool, hi Kayne' I smiled, doing the same. Joe slipped out quietly behind us and sat on one of the deck chairs that were laid out neatly on the patio. He revealed a comic and looked as if he wasn't going to bother us. Blaine got a football out of the shed and started kicking it about.

'Wanna play?' He asked.

'Yeah sure' I smiled. I walked over and kicked the ball around with him.

'Which school do you go to?' He asked.

'The one up the road from here, Semely Primary' I said.

'Oh cool, I go to St. Peters' He smiled. That's all that kid seemed to do, smile. He had a nice smile. I caught Joe glance up at us, so I looked over. He quickly looked at his comic again, as if embarrassed.

'Hey, do you wanna go and get some sweets?' Blaine asked.

'Yeah sure, but I don't have any money' I said.

'I'll buy you some' Blaine said.

'Cool, thanks' I smiled. We told his parents where we were going and then exited.

'Is Joe always that quiet?' I asked.

'Yeah, I guess' Blaine said.

'I don't think he likes me' I said.

'Nah, he likes everyone, you just have to get to know him, find him out if you get me' He said. Find him out? What could that mean?

'Do you share a room with him?' I asked.

'Yeah, we have to, Jane has the other room' He said.

'Do you mind it?' I asked.

'Nah, not really, as I said, he's quite quiet and we don't really speak much' He said. We arrived at the shop and Blaine bought me some gum and strawberry laces. When we got back we went straight out into the garden. Joe was still in his usual place.

'I'm gonna get a drink, do you want one?' Blaine asked.

'Uh, yeah please' I smiled. He nodded and went inside, leaving me alone with Joe. I sat in the empty deck chair next to him. He put his comic on his lap and reached down to a glass of orange juice by his feet. He accidentally knocked it over, making me chuckle a little.

'Oops' He laughed. He picked the empty glass up.

'Nice top' I said, pointing to his T-shirt. It wasn't particularly interesting. Just plain dark blue with a black stripe.

'Thanks, yours is pretty cool too' He smiled. I smiled back at him. I felt something as I looked into his eyes. I think he felt it too. I still to this day don't know what it was.


	3. The Day We First Hung Out

Chapter 3

After that one time I started going regularly. Every time Blaine and I would do the same thing. We liked it that way. Joe always sat in the same place and read the same comic but hey! The guy was still there. It was the summer holidays now and Blaine and I were playing scrabble on his bed.

'Do you think Joe will ever join in with us?' I asked. Blaine made his next move.

'Maybe, he's really shy and quiet so I wouldn't bet on it being anytime soon' He said. I nodded.

'You do know I am going to totally smash you at this game' I grinned, pointing to the scrabble board.

'You wanna bet?' He grinned. We giggled and carried on playing.

'Anna, I class you as my best friend now, can I tell you a secret?' Blaine asked after a moment of silence. I was his best friend? Wow I felt popular.

'Yeah of course' I smiled.

'Well, I uh like this girl at school and… I could use a little help' He said, looking down awkwardly.

'How can I help?' I asked, reassuringly.

'I wanna ask her out but I don't know how' He said.

'Well, you could start by just talking to her and using that charming smile of yours' I grinned.

'You think my smile is charming?' He asked.

'Yeah' I said.

'Thanks' He smiled. I smiled back at him.

'I don't usually open up to people like this but… something about you just makes me trust you, I know you understand me and stuff' He said. We'd known each other for a month now so I could kind of see where he was coming from. We had clicked really fast.

'Thanks, you too' I smiled.

'You know I'm always here for you, forever' He said.

'Yeah' I nodded.

'Good' He smiled. He said forever. The question is did he mean it? The next time I went round there Blaine wasn't there. He had to go on a trip with the school. As I sat down in their living room ready to listen to a really, really boring conversation between Grandma and Elsie, Joe poked his head round the door.

'Uh, would you like to hang out with me?' He asked shyly. I looked up surprised.

'Um, yeah, I'd like that' I smiled. I followed him up to the room that he and Blaine shared. I sat on his bed.

'Sorry, I've go to tidy my half of the room' He smiled.

'Hey, it's fine' I smiled. He bent down, his long hair falling in his face and pulled a drawer out of his wardrobe. Only to drop it on his foot rather heavily and end up hopping around the room. I couldn't help but laugh. He laughed with me.

'I'm really clumsy, as you've probably already gathered' He grinned.

'Yeah' I laughed.

'Want some music on?' He asked.

'Sure' I smiled. He turned the CD player on and out blasted 'a thousand miles' by Vanessa Carlton. He seemed to be more relaxed now he'd broken the ice.

'Do you like this song?' He asked.

'Yeah I love it' I smiled, even though I'd never heard it before.

'I made up a dance to it one day when I was bored' He grinned. Okay? This guy had made up a dance routine to a girly song and he was like fourteen? What was I getting myself into?

'Can I see it?' I asked.

'Uh, okay' He said, seemingly shy. He restarted the song and then flung one of his arms out. I must admit that I was trying sooo hard not to laugh. Next thing I know, he's on Blaine's bed tackling the bed sheets. Interesting dance.

'Did you like it?' He asked, when he'd finished. His hair was everywhere.

'It was very interesting' I grinned.

'Yeah?' He grinned. I couldn't hold it any longer. I started laughing hysterically. He joined in. When we'd finished our laughing fit he went about showing me the contents of his wardrobe. Why? I don't know.

'…and I wear this T-shirt for special occasions… and this one for football…' He was going on and on until he had at least twenty or more shirts lying on the bed. He put it all back.

'So, do you mind sharing a room with Blaine?' I asked.

'No, not really, it's okay' He said.

'I'd hate sharing a room with my sister' I said. I have a sister called Destiny. Bit more of an interesting name than mine don't you think?

'I haven't met your sister' He said.

'Lucky you' I grinned.

'Is she that bad?' He asked.

'Just a tad' I said. He laughed.

'My sister never talks' He said.

'Is it weird being in a quiet family?' I asked, trying not to sound rude.

'Nah, I've got used to it, I don't really talk much myself but once I get talking, I'm okay' He smiled.

'I gathered' I grinned. When it was time for me to go Joe came to the door.

'Can we hang out again next time?' He asked.

'Yeah, I'd love that' I smiled. What I'd give to hear that line again.


	4. The Day We Went To Pizza Hut

Chapter 4

'Hey Blaine! Can Joe hang out with us from now on?' I asked, leaping up the steps to Blaine's house.

'Uh huh, when did you guys become such good friends?' He laughed.

'Since you weren't here last time I came' I grinned, putting my hands on my hips.

'Fair enough' He laughed. Joe stepped out of the house.

'You guys wanna go to the shop and then to the park?' He asked.

'Yeah, sure' We said. They shut the door behind them. Grandma was back home. I had started going round there by myself. I didn't mind. It was great! It gave me a chance to get to know their parents more too, seeing as they weren't talking to her the whole time I was there.

'Hey guys! Don't be too long, we're going to pizza hut later!' Elsie called out of the window.

'Okay Mum!' Joe called.

'Pizza hut? Cool!' Blaine squealed. We made our way down the hill.

'So what did you guys do when I wasn't here?' Blaine asked.

'Well, I got an insight into Joe's wardrobe and his dancing skills' I grinned.

'Dancing skills? Has he got any?' Blaine asked. Joe playfully shoved him and then jumped up onto a bench on the side of the road.

'I'm amazing at dancing' He said. We walked in through the shop doors. Joe ran down one of the aisles randomly and skidded at the end.

'Show off' Blaine muttered.

'You can talk! You're always showing off at football' I laughed. He laughed at me. We went to the sweet aisle where we found Joe picking up a magazine nearby.

'I'm skint again' I moaned.

'Hey it's fine, I'll by you something' Joe smiled.

'Thanks' I said. I picked the cheapest thing I could find off of the shelf.

'Don't be stupid' He said, shaking his head.

'What?' I asked.

'I refuse to buy you something that cheap, get what you want' He smiled.

'Joe, you're not spending too much on me' I said.

'Anna, you're like my best friend, why wouldn't I?' He asked. So I was his best friend too? We'd only been hanging out for like 2 days but it was amazing how quickly you could become friends with that family. Jane wasn't so open though. I handed Joe my favourite chocolate bar.

'There you go' I sighed.

'That's better' He nodded, satisfied. We paid and walked to the park. Joe sat on the swing and began to look at his magazine. Blaine and I sat next to him on the swings either side and looked at it with him.

'I honestly don't know what the fascination is with that magazine' Blaine said, getting up and sitting at the top of the slide.

'I like this magazine, I bought it once and it had a jelly worm in it' I grinned.

'Oh yeah! I remember that one!' Joe laughed.

'He hit me square in the face with it' Blaine said.

'Aw, poor Blaine, did you film it Joe?' I asked eagerly. He laughed and so did Blaine. Shortly after Brandon came wandering down.

'Time to go to pizza hut' He grinned. He'd parked the car at the top with Elsie in it.

'Where's Jane?' I asked.

'Oh she doesn't like days out, she just eats something from the fridge' Blaine said. I got in the car in between him and Joe. Brandon drove off. I loved their car. It had creamy leather seats and was dark blue.

'I must warn you, my Dad does tend to sing' Joe whispered to me. I giggled. Brandon switched the radio on and started banging the steering wheel as his favourite song came on. By the looks of it they all liked it. They all started singing it and bouncing around in their seats. I just laughed.

'Is it always like this?' I asked Blaine.

'Yep' He said. It was like that the entire way there. When we got there, Joe leaped out like a monkey and ran inside. Blaine and I followed. We ordered a massive pizza and shared it between us.

'So Anna, what's it like at the school you go to?' Brandon asked.

'It's fun and we don't have any homework' I grinned.

'Lucky! We do!' Blaine said.

'I have even more because I'm at secondary school!' Joe said. Blaine decided he needed the toilet and didn't want to go on his own. Joe got up to go with him. I stood up and followed them.

'I'll wait outside' I said. They went in and after a few seconds there was high pitched laughter coming from the toilet.

'Oh my god Joe! Help me!' Blaine cried. Joe was in absolute hysterics. They both came stumbling out laughing.

'Blaine fell down the toilet!' Joe cried, laughing.

'It's not funny' Blaine said, even though he was laughing too.


	5. The Day You Said Forever

Chapter 5

When we got back to Joe and Blaine's house, they revealed that they wanted me to stay the night.

'You can like sleep on the floor in our room if you want' Blaine said.

'Yeah, and I've got a mattress you can borrow' Joe said.

'Yeah, I'd like that' I smiled. We went up to their bedroom and Joe pulled a mattress out of the airing cupboard. They made up a bed for me.

'There you go' Joe smiled.

'Are you okay about sleeping in a room with two boys?' Blaine asked.

'Yeah, it's fine as long as you're okay with it' I said.

'Yeah, we're fine with it, we just thought that you'd think it was wrong' Blaine said.

'Oh no, you guys are my best friends, it doesn't seem any different to me' I said.

'Okay' Joe smiled. We went downstairs to have dinner. Usually I would have gone home after dinner but this time I went and sat in the living room with the family.

'We play scrabble every Friday' Brandon announced, getting a board out of the cupboard.

'Oh cool, you know, I'm really good at this game so look out' I laughed.

'We'll see about that' Brandon grinned. It turned out he was just like Blaine and Joe. Completely insane. Joe started the game by placing the word 'Palumpa' on the board. Brandon looked up at him.

'Joe, Palumpa is not a word' He said.

'It is in my dictionary' Joe said.

'Okay, I'll let you put it down' Brandon said.

'He does this EVERY time' Blaine laughed.

'That's because I think my words should be heard!' Joe said.

'Yes Joe' Blaine said slowly and patronisingly, nodding his head. Joe shoved him playfully. By the end of the game half of the board was filled up with Joe's 'dictionary'.

'I win' Brandon said.

'What? I put the most words down!' Joe said, banging his fists on the cream carpet, something that they really shouldn't have had in that household.

'Joe, the idea of the game is to put real words down' Brandon said.

'They are real words!' Joe said, determined to get justice.

'Okay Joe' Brandon said, packing up the board.

'One day, my words shall be heard!' Joe cried.

'Joe! We have neighbours!' Brandon said.

'Well maybe they are prepared to give me justice over this impeccable crime' Joe said.

'Joe, I'd really like to know where you learn all of these posh words' Blaine said. Elsie, who had been quiet the entire time, got up and switched the T.V on. We all sat on the sofa to watch it. Jane even came in and sat down. We went up to bed an hour later. We ended up playing all of the xbox games under the sun. Later that night Blaine fell asleep.

'Anna, you awake?' Joe whispered from his bed.

'Yeah' I whispered.

'Come and sit up here' He whispered back. I got up and sat on his bed cross-legged. There was a moment of silence.

'Thank you for being friends with me' He whispered.

'That's okay, I like being friends with you' I whispered.

'It's just, I don't have any friends at school' He whispered. No friends? Poor guy.

'Why?' I asked.

'I guess, I'm just not the guy they want to have in their group' He whispered. I was dark but I could see that he was looking down. I put a hand on his shoulder.

'You're the guy I want in my group' I whispered. I saw a tear drop from his face.

'Hey, don't cry' I whispered. I put my arms around him and kissed his cheek. He did the same.

'Anna, I will never forget you and I want to be best friends forever' He whispered into my shoulder.

'Yeah, same here' I whispered.

'You know, the woman up the road thought that we were going out because we spend so much time together and everyone thinks we're gonna get married' He whispered.

'Aw' I whispered, not sure what to say.

'You know Anna, whenever you cry or I see you hurting, it makes me feel the same. And when I see you happy, it makes me happy' He whispered.

'Same' I whispered. Who new what would happen?


	6. The Day You Made A Promise

Chapter 6

The next day I woke up with an envelope placed on my pillow. There was a note on the back: _'To Anna, do not open this until you have to'. _Joe must have written it late last night. I shoved it in my bag and vowed to tell Mum to keep it safe for me. The temptation to open it would be too great otherwise. Joe was still asleep in bed and so was Blaine. I lay there for a while. Joe had been so emotional last night, I'd never seen him like it before. He had really opened up to me, I had unlocked him and his true feelings. I was sure that he meant what he said when he said 'forever'. He wasn't the sort of person to break that promise. Suddenly there was rustling as Blaine sat up.

'Hey Anna' He said, stretching.

'Hey Blaine' I said. By the looks of it Joe was a very light sleeper because even just us talking had woken him up.

'Hey guys' He said sleepily, stretching too. We went down to breakfast, where to my surprise Elsie, Jane and Brandon were already seated and eating breakfast.

'We didn't want to wake you' Elsie said. We sat down with them and ate our breakfast.

'Hey Anna, seeing as it's a Saturday would you like to stay another night?' Brandon asked. Joe and Blaine sat up in their seats, obviously eager for me to say yes.

'Sure, I'd love to' I smiled.

'Sweet!' Blaine and Joe said at the same time. After breakfast Brandon announced that Blaine and Joe had football training that morning.

'You can come shopping with me if you like' He smiled.

'Yeah okay' I said.

'Yeah sorry but Joe is really rubbish at football and needs some training' Blaine grinned, leaning on the back of his chair. Joe shoved him.

'I am excellent at football' He said. Blaine, Joe and me got in the car with Brandon and we drove them to football training. Then Brandon drove me to the supermarket with him.

'We've checked with your mother about you staying the night' He smiled.

'Okay, thanks' I smiled. There was an awkward silence until we pulled into a parking space. Even when we got in the supermarket. To 'Jazz things up' as Brandon called it, he tried to make small talk along the way. For example, he picked up a bottle of milk and said 'to put on my cereal… heh'. This really wasn't my idea of fun. Usually I was more talkative but Brandon was really quiet. Luckily when we'd finished the shopping it was time to pick up Blaine and Joe. As soon as they got back in the car with their muddy kit, the fun started up again. Brandon whacked up the radio full blast. It was their favourite song again. The dancing began and so did the singing. This really was something else. There wasn't another family like it for sure. That night we were sat in Joe and Blaine's room again. Instead of the xbox entertaining us we decided to make our own talent show. Joe was up first.

'Okay people of the world, I am going to dance to my favourite song' He said. He walked over to the CD player and switched it on. Oh dear. It was his dance again. I couldn't help but laugh and nor could Blaine.

'Thank you everyone' Joe said, when he'd finished. Blaine was up next, showing his football skills. This ended up with a smashed vase and a rather angry Brandon. I was up last.

'Uh, I don't really have any talents' I said.

'Yeah you do' Joe said.

'What's that?' I asked.

'You're a good friend' Joe said.

'Joe, how the hell is she going to show that in a talent show?' Blaine asked.

'She could say a speech about each of us' Joe said.

'Okay' I said.

'Blaine, you have been such a good friend to me and you are so wonderful to be with and same to you Joe, you're cool too' I said, knowing that it was the most terrible speech ever. They seemed to like it though, they were clapping. I curtsied.

'I like to make a speech to Anna' Joe said, standing up.

'Anna, for a long time I have had four walls built around me, not allowing anyone to open me up, because I know they just don't care. But you, you broke down the walls and you didn't care about the way I was or how I looked. You saw what was on the inside. I want to make three promises to you and I will never ever break them. Number one, I will never forget you. Number two, we will be best friends forever. Number three, I will never ever hurt you. I don't make promises to many people, but you are different. You actually deserve it Anna' Joe said. He really meant it. Blaine and I clapped. I was so touched by his words. He would never break those promises, never. I thought so anyway.


	7. The Day It Changed

Chapter 7

This time when I woke up, Joe was sat up reading a book.

'Hey Anna' He smiled, looking up from his book. Blaine was still asleep, his arm hanging off of the bed.

'He always sleeps like that' Joe said. We decided to leave Blaine to sleep and went down to breakfast. Brandon and Elsie were already down there as usual.

'Where's Blaine?' Elsie asked, pouring herself some orange juice.

'Oh, he's still sleeping' Joe said, sitting down across from her. She nodded.

'Football takes a lot out of him' She said.

'Mmm' Joe said, eating his breakfast. I was going to stay there until 7:00pm so I had all day with them. Blaine came downstairs sleepily in his underwear.

'Blaine! Put some clothes on!' Elsie exclaimed.

'I can't be bothered' He said, flinging himself down and grabbing the nearest bowl he could find.

'Hey that's mine!' Jane cried. Blaine pushed the bowl back to her and put his head on the table.

'I think you should go upstairs and get some more sleep Blaine' Elsie said.

'Uh huh' He mumbled. He got up and went back upstairs.

'Someone went to bed late last night' Elsie said, shaking her head. When Joe and I had got dressed, we decided to go and sit up the park.

'Tell Blaine to come and join us when he's awake' Joe called.

'I will' Elsie replied. We walked up to the park and sat on a bench. There was silence for a bit and then Joe broke it.

'You know Anna, I really like spending time with you' He said.

'Do you?' I asked.

'Yeah, it's fun and you really make me feel like I'm worth something' He said.

'That's because you are, you could change the world Joe, you have such a big heart' I said.

'You really think that?' He asked.

'Yeah' I said.

'Always know that no matter what a part of that big heart will always be for you' He said.

'Same for you Joe' I smiled. It was like we were together but really, he was like my big brother and to him, I was like his little sister.

'You're coming to my secondary school next year, we can hang out then' He said.

'Yeah and maybe, when you get a job, I can come and visit you at work' I smiled.

'I've always wanted to get a job in a computer shop' He said.

'Why?' I asked.

'I'm good with computers, I know how they work and I've always been interested in them' He said.

'Wow, I never knew that' I said.

'I don't really tell many people… or anyone' He added. I smiled. He really trusted me. The sky was a lovely colour. I can still remember the smell of the fresh air and the way the sun was high in the sky.

'I want to come back here one day, in four years time, with you' He said.

'Yeah, me too' I smiled. Blaine came strolling down the path.

'Feeling better now?' I asked.

'Yeah thanks, guess I got up too early' He smiled. He'd brought his football so we had a game. At lunchtime Elsie and Brandon brought a picnic down. They sat and ate it with us.

'It's nice to see that our boys have got such a lovely friend' Elsie smiled.

'Thanks, I really enjoy being with them' I smiled.

'We've noticed a change in them, they seem happier' Brandon smiled.

'I'm glad that I've had such a good affect on you guys' I smiled. We ate and then we played a game of family football. We stayed there all day. I can remember those days with them as being the best of my life. They walked me back to their house. I hugged Blaine and Joe goodbye and got into Brandon's car. I didn't know how much that one hug would mean to me in four years time. I got home to an entirely different scene. Dad was gone and Mum was sitting on the sofa crying.

'What's going on?' I asked.

'Your Dad and I have decided to get a divorce' She said.

'But why?' I asked.

'Because, your Dad is a lying bastard!' She snapped.

'I'm sorry' I said.

'You can't see Grandma anymore' She said.

'What? But then I won't be able to see Joe and Blaine anymore!' I cried. The only time I could go and see them was when I was up at Grandma's. Even when I called for them, it was the odd days when my Mum would visit too. It was too far for me to get to and I knew for sure my Mum would never take me up there.

'You'll just have to deal with it!' Mum cried. I burst into tears and ran up to my room, dealing with the prospect of never seeing my best friends again.


	8. The Day I'd Almost Forgot You

Chapter 8

I couldn't believe it. My life had changed in two minutes. I would never see them again. They never went out and they wouldn't be able to come round because I didn't have their number. I had no way of contacting them. There was two weeks left of summer. It was going to be the worst. I was sat on my bed scrolling through some of the pictures that we'd all taken together. I would miss them so much! They were like my brothers. Mum came in.

'I know you're upset about not seeing Blaine and Joe but…' She said.

'But what? They were my best friends, practically brothers to me and you took them away' I cried.

'I know but… sometimes you just have to let go, it hurts but… it hurts even more when you hold on' She said.

'You wouldn't know anything about it' I said, folding my arms. She got up and walked out. She didn't appreciate how hard it was for me. She knew how much I loved them. It was then that I remembered the letter that Joe had written me. I retrieved it from my bag and just looked at it. _'Don't read this until you need to'. _I read the words scrawled on the back in his best handwriting. I sat there wondering what was inside. I went downstairs and gave it to Mum.

'Keep this safe for me, it's all I've got left and I might need it one day' I said, and then I left the room. When I got back upstairs I burst into tears. I was thinking about everything we'd done together. The sunsets watched, the times we played on the trampoline and in the pool. When we went to pizza hut. Joe's dance. The reason I would get up excited every Friday morning. It was never going to happen again. Why? Little did I know, I would be asking myself that question more often in my life that I thought I would. The end of summer approached quickly. For some reason, I wanted it to. I needed it to take my mind off of everything. Not only had I had my best friends taken away from me, but my parents had split up. What a great summer. I hadn't seen Kristy or Tanya over the holidays. They were nowhere near as amazing as Joe and Blaine. As soon as I saw them for the first time they came running up to me asking questions.

'I hear you've been seeing the Jeraz boys' Kristy said.

'Yeah, you going out with one of them?' Tanya asked.

'What's their house like?' Kristy asked.

'Are their parents nice?' Tanya asked. I put my hand up to stop them.

'I'm not seeing them anymore' I said.

'Why?' Kristy asked.

'Yeah, have you like fallen out with them or something?' Tanya asked.

'No, my parents split up and I'm not allowed to see Grandma anymore' I said. I spilled everything out at once. I ended up in tears. They didn't understand. They never would. No one would.

'You'll get over it' Kristy said. That's where they were wrong. I would never get over it. Two years later, the depression started. I just wanted the old times back. I had started at secondary school. The same one as Joe. He was in his last year when I started. I can't say I saw him or recognised him anywhere. I probably saw him but… I can't remember. He certainly didn't recognise me if he was there. I went to counselling to cope with everything but, it didn't work at all. 2 years later I was in year 9 at secondary school. I was sat in wood tech with my friends. Kristy and Tanya. They had come with me.

'I've saved up enough for a laptop!' I cried.

'Oh my god! So lucky! When are you getting it?' Tanya cried, excitedly.

'I'm picking it up from the computer shop tonight!' I said.

'Oh my god! Call me when you've got it' Kristy said.

'Yeah me too!' Tanya said, clapping her hands.

'Okay guys but… it's only a laptop' I said.

'It's not just any laptop! It's the laptop you've been saving up for, for two years and now you are finally getting it!' Tanya cried. I rolled my eyes.

'I guess' I said. After school I made my way to the computer shop, not knowing that this was going to be the pivotal moment in my life.


	9. The Day I Saw You Again

Chapter 9

I walked to the computer shop straight after school. I walked with Tanya and Kristy until I got there. Their house's were on the other side of town. The same area as where Joe and Blaine lived. I looked down as I remembered them once again. A sharp pain ran through my heart and I tried to fight the tears. I was getting a laptop, something I had wanted for ages. That was something to be happy about!. I opened the door and walked in the shop. A guy with longish black hair and olive skin looked up from what he was doing.

'Hi, can I help you?' He asked.

'Uh, yes, I'm looking for a laptop' I smiled.

'Well, you've come to the right place! What kind of laptop are you looking for?' He asked.

'A laptop that's a laptop?' I said, embarrassed at my lack of knowledge.

'I think I have the perfect one for you' He laughed. I followed him over to the most amazing laptop I had ever seen. As he was going through everything it had on it I casually glanced up at him. I swallowed and that sharp pain came back. So did the tears. It was then that I looked at his name tag. The hairs on the back of my neck raised as I saw the name printed on it. 'Joe'.

'Oh my god' I whispered.

'Yeah, I know, it's a pretty amazing laptop' He smiled.

'Yeah' I said.

'Um, are you okay?' He asked.

'Yeah, I'm fine thanks, how much is it?' I asked.

'£400' He said.

'Okay' I smiled, I handed him the money. As soon as I left the shop, I broke down. The tears came flowing down as suddenly all the memories came back to me, all at once. It was Joe! If Joe was still around then that probably meant that Blaine was too. I felt something else in my heart too. I didn't know what it was because I'd never felt it before. I shook the thoughts from my mind, wiped my tears and walked home. My phone rang.

'Hello?' I said.

'Hey!' Tanya cried, a little too enthusiastic down the phone.

'Oh hi Tanya' I said.

'Did you get it?' She immediately burst into.

'Yeah, I got it' I said.

'Cool! Are you okay?' She asked.

'Yeah, why?' I asked.

'Oh, you just seem a bit off, that's all' She said.

'Oh, nope, nothing's up with me' I said, trying to sound more 'on'.

'Good, good. Anyway, show me it tomorrow, I'm coming round your house! Byeeeee!' She cried, then she hung up. Great. I shrugged, put my phone in my pocket and unlocked my front door. I immediately went upstairs and sat on my bed. It hit me again. I had seen Joe. The feelings came back again. As much as I tried to fight them, they wouldn't go away. I didn't know that I was going to have to put up with this for a little longer than I thought I would have to. I opened up my laptop and started playing around. I managed to set up the wireless and logged onto my MSN. Kristy popped up as soon as the page loaded.

_Kristy says: Hey babe!_

_Anna says: Hey_

_Kristy says: Did you get it?_

_Anna says: Yes I did_

_Kristy says: WOW! Show me tomorrow, I heard that Tanya is coming round._

_Anna says: Apparently so_

_Kristy says: Mind if I drop round too?_

_Anna says: Sure why not_

_Kristy says: Cool! See you tomorrow, going now __J_

I shook my head and shut the laptop. Why were they so excited about this? The next day they came round.

'Soooooo, let's see it!' They cried as soon as they walked in. I showed it to them. I was still thinking about Joe. I didn't think he's recognised me. Maybe he'd forgotten. I found myself going in there again the next day. I wanted a new cover. He was in there. Sitting reading a book. He looked up and smiled.

'Hello' He said.

'Hi' I said. I went over to the laptop covers.

'Anything I can help you with?' Joe asked.

'Not really, just looking for a really groovy laptop cover' I smiled.

'Okay' He grinned. He looked back down. His hair fell in his face. I remembered how he used to toss it out when we'd been friends. Then I realised something. Something that would change everything. I was in love with him.


	10. The Day I Told You

Chapter 10

Why? I was already having so much dilemma in my life already, I didn't need this. But then I thought 'it's only a little crush, you'll get over it'. I carried on believing this for a while. After much deliberation, I decided to tell Tanya and Kristy, something I was going to regret for a while after.

'So what did you want to tell us?' Kristy asked.

'You know Joe?' I said.

'Joe? Who's he?' Tanya asked. This is how long he had been pushed to the back of my mind, how long I had been away from him.

'Joe Jeraz?' I said.

'Oh him! Does he even still live here, I thought he'd like moved back to Brazil or something' Kristy said.

'He still lives here, I saw him the other day' I said.

'Oooh! Did you talk to him? Where did you see him? Are you like friends again?' Tanya was throwing questions at me.

'Woah! Slow down! I saw him in the computer shop when I bought my new laptop and yeah I did talk to him but just about the laptop and a few things that I could get for it, I don't think he even recognised me' I said.

'Oh dear' Kristy said.

'Is that all you wanted to tell us?' Tanya asked.

'No, I wanted to tell you something else' I said.

'What's that' Kristy asked.

'Well, I found out something about… me and him. I think I'm in love with him' I said, choking up on the last five words. Kristy and Tanya just looked at me.

'Wow, didn't see that one coming' Tanya said, raising her eyebrows.

'What am I gonna so guys?' I asked.

'Well… have you told your mum?' Tanya asked. Kristy and I just looked at her.

'How stupid are you Tanya? How could her mum help her? She's come to us, thinking we're good friends and we're going to give her good constructive advice and you say something stupid like that' Kristy said. I nodded.

'It was just an idea' Tanya said. Kristy put a hand on my shoulder.

'Maybe you could give him a note' Kristy said.

'A note?' I asked.

'Yeah, telling him who you are and how you feel about him but like… don't tell him how you feel about him truly, just say like you really want to 'get to know him again' and remind him of who you are again. He'll take the hint for sure' Kristy said. This was actually a good idea.

'I'll do it' I said.

'Great! See you tomorrow' Kristy said. I walked home slowly, thinking. What was I going to write? As soon as I got home, I sat down with a piece of paper. I decided to write a draft first. I wrote:

'_Hey it's me, Anna. You probably have long forgotten me but I haven't forgotten you. I just wanted to let you know a few things… well one thing actually. I'd really like to 'get to know you again, like REALLY get to know you. Nice seeing you again. Anna __J_

I put some contact details underneath and wrote it out nicely. I folded it up and put it into my coat pocket. Then I realised something. I was nervous. Why? I hadn't seen this guy for ages and now I was about to give him something that would tell him how I truly felt. How would he react? Then I was reassured when I remembered who I was giving it to. Joe. He wasn't the kind of person to over-react and if he didn't feel the same way then, he would tell me and be nice about it. I was sure everything would turn out great. I decided to get it over and done with. I walked down to the computer shop and went up to him.

'Hello again' He smiled.

'Hi, I really wanted to give you this' I said, handing the note over.

'Um, okay… thanks' He said. He sounded okay with it. I walked out again as quickly as possible, feeling so relieved. He would know how I felt and maybe we could be together like we used to dream of when we were friends. I didn't feel like I was being full on with him and I knew that I was only fourteen and he was almost twenty but I didn't care. I also didn't think he would either. Wrong again.


	11. The Day I Thought I'd Lost You

Chapter 11

I was really happy that I'd given him the note and I was sure that everything would turn out great. The Joe I knew would be okay with everything, not care about the age difference and try to work something out. Everytime I felt unsure about it all, I just thought of that and I felt better. I hadn't got any calls or emails from him yet but that didn't worry me because he was working and probably didn't have time. I decided to wait until the weekend and then hopefully I would get some sort of reply. At the weekend I waited and waited. Friday evening I scannend my emails. Emails from people I didn't have on my contacts usually appeared in the 'junk' folder, so I checked there too. Every few hours on Saturday I checked. My heart would skip a beat everytime I saw that I had an unread email in my junk. It always turned out to be some stupid advert for a new firewall or something. On Sunday I started to feel uneasy. Why hadn't he replied? I thought about it and then came to the conclusion that maybe he wanted to say or give something to me in person. The computer shop was open on Sunday so I grabbed my coat and asked Mum if she needed anything from the computer shop.

'Could you get an ink cartrige for the printer?' She asked.

'Yeah okay' I said. Just as I went to walk out of the door, she called me.

'Anna?' She called.

'Yeah?' I said, poking my head around the door.

'You've been going down there a lot, any reason?' She asked. I sighed. I had kind of been alone for the past few days. I didn't see my friends much so I didn't have anyone to talk to about him. Maybe it was time to tell her.

'I'll tell you about it when I come back' I said. I shut the front door and walked there. As I opened the door, he looked up. No smile, no 'back again' or 'hey'. He just looked back at what he was doing. I walked over to the ink cartriges, got the one we needed and took it to the desk. In complete silence apart from announcing the price, he served me and I left. What was wrong with him? I ran home. I flung the ink cartrige on the side and ran upstairs. I sat on my bed and let the tears flow. It was at that moment, that exact moment in time, I realised that he had completely taken over me. I wasn't just in love with him. I was REALLY in love with him. I needed him.

'Anna?' I heard Mum call up the stairs.

'I'll be down in a minute' I said. She went back into the living room and I went downstairs.

'Whats this all about Anna? You've been going down to the computer shop nearly every day, away with the fairies and just not yourself. What's wrong?' She said. I sat down.

'Do you remember Joe?' I asked her.

'Joe?' She asked.

'Joe Jeraz' I said.

'No I don't, who was he?' She asked.

'I used to go to his house every Friday Mum' I said.

'Hmmm, doesn't ring a bell, but what about him?' She asked.

'Well,he still lives here and he works in the computer shop...' I spilled everything to her.

'He'll reply when he's ready' She said, after my long speech. I just looked at her and then went back up to my room. She wasn't really very good for advice. Joe wouldn't leave my head. All I could think of was Joe, Joe and Joe. I loved him so much. I'd never seen him act the way he did in the computer shop. Only when we were strangers. That thought scared me. What if I'd lost him?


	12. The Day You Lied

Chapter 12

A month later I still hadn't heard anything. I had been into the computer shop practically every day to give him a chance to say something to me. Maybe he was just shy. The Joe I knew had always been that way. I'd lay awake in bed just thinking about him. Going over every meeting that I'd had with him, thinking of signs that he liked me. Now and again he would smile at me or when he was serving me, act as if he liked me being there. I thought over this every day. Every time he looked angry or upset I would think it was because of me and instantly feel like I was back to square one with trying to win him over or get him to say something.

'He'll do it in his own time' Mum would say. I couldn't stand it anymore. I decided to take some more action without anyone elses advice. It would be better that way. I could come up with my own plan with my own words. The plan I eventually came up with after much deliberation was this:

I would wait until he was alone in the shop and then I would go up to him and ask him if he was busy next thursday. If he was I would ask him if he was busy on Saturday. If he was busy then too I would ask him if he was busy on Friday. They were the only days I was free, I was going on holiday with Dad the rest of the week. If there was a day that he was free then I would ask him if he wanted to go for a coffee with me. I didn't like coffee but I could have something else. If he said no (which I honestly didn't think would happen because the Joe I knew would give me a chance) then I would just leave him and feel like a complete and utter fool for the rest of my life and if he said yes I would sort something out with him.

It sounded like a great plan at the time. The signs he's been giving me gave me the feeling that I was in for a good chance. I was going to do it the next day. I was nervous all night. I hardly slept at all. Why I didn't know. I guess it was just the concept of asking a guy out for the first time (well technically it wasn't the first time, I'd asked out this guy called AJ before, yeah... BIG MISTAKE). I left at approximately 1:00pm and went to the computer shop. The nervousness I was experiencing was unexplainable. I literally felt like I was going to erupt. As soon as I walked in and saw him sitting at the counter, I chickened out. I suddenly didn't want to go through with it. But then, I knew that later on I would kick myself for not doing it when I had the chance. I went up to him.

'Hey can I ask you something?' I asked nervously. My legs were shaking like jelly and I hoped he didn't notice.

'Uhh... yip' He said.

'Are you busy next Thursday?' I asked.

'Oh, I'm working then' He said.

'Oh, okay how about Saturday?' I asked.

'Hang on a second, I shall look at the rota' He said, walking over to a spreadsheet on the wall. I waited nervously as he scanned it. I could feel the blood rushing to my head as my heart beated loudly.

'I'm working then too' He said.

'Friday?' I asked.

'Basically I'm working everyday until... May' He said. It sounded like he was deliberating on the last bit.

'Sorry' I said.

'It's fine' He mumbled. I felt completely and utterly drained as I walked out. I felt the tears come down as soon as I was away from his sight. All of the nervousness had gone now and all that was left was emptiness and regret. That was it now. I was going to leave it to him. If he liked me then he should be a man and ask me out. I couldn't help but think about what he'd said. I played it over and over again in my head. Surely he would have known that he was working everyday until May. He shouldn't have had to check. I put that thought aside. I knew he knew who I was now, he wouldn't lie to me. The week that followed was filled with complete and utter pain. My heart just felt empty. It was like when you haven't eaten in so long, you get cramp. I had been without Joe for so long. I had given half of my heart away and he was the only person who could give it back to me. I was lost without him. I saw my Grandma on the Friday.

'Hey Grandma, do you remember Joe?' I asked.

'Joe down the road?' She asked.

'Yeah' I said.

'Oh yes, I was talking to Elsie, his mother the other day, they went on holiday last week because Joe had the week off. He hasn't got to work until the 12th May' She said. I felt the blood drain from my face. He had lied to me. Joe, my old friend, had lied to me. That hurt.

'I will never ever to hurt you'- Joe Jeraz.


	13. The Day It Got Messy

Chapter 13

I cannot begin to explain the rest of the month that followed. My heart was so full of hurt yet.. it felt empty. I just ached for him. I can promise you that I have never felt like that before. I was crying nearly all the time. Every now and again I would talk to Kristy because she was more down to earth than Tanya.

_Kristy says: Hey babe, what's up?_

_Anna says: Joe again..._

_Kristy says: Omg, I feel so sorry for you babe_

_Anna says: Yeah, i think you're the only person who does, most people just don't give a shit tbh..._

_Kristy says: What like Tanya?_

_Anna says: Yeah and my Mum just doesn't understand._

Mum had been pretty supportive of me but she didn't really know what I was going through. To be honest I didn't blame her. I felt a bit like a pathetic little teenage girl who had a little schoolgirl crush on this guy that didn't really like her. Adults always say to you, 'I know what you're going through, we've all been there' and yet they really haven't because it's your love story. They have no idea what you're going through, everyone loves different people in different ways, there is no way that you can understand other peoples feelings. You can have some idea if you've been through the same things, like a loved one dying... but no one can feel your pain and the feelings that you have in your heart. Everytime I saw Joe, my heart wrenched. Aching for him. Wishing for him. So why I did what happened next I really don't know, especially after the outcome.

I'd been doing some thinking about Blaine. He was only a year older than me and so would probably be going to the same school as me. I decided to check this out the next day. I was walking out of Maths when I saw him. I recognised him instantly and wondered why I had never noticed him before. I stared at him, remembering all the times we had together. All the memories flashing back, like when I saw Joe again. It was then that we made eye contact. He stared back at me with his scowling brown eyes (he had always been like this, he always looked angry even when he wasn't). As he looked at me, I saw a flash of recognition throught his and his expression softened. He smiled at me and I smiled back. I couldn't stop to talk because if I was late to English, my teacher would kill me. As I sat in English I thought about Blaine. He looked so attractive, like he'd always been. I dropped my pen. It was then in that fraction of a moment that things began to get more complicated. I'd fallen in love with Blaine. Joe's brother. Why? I felt like I was betraying Joe. I loved him more than Blaine, I always would. I knew that nothing would come of me and Blaine.

After school, I finished a little later because I went to the library. As I came out, I saw that Blaine and his group of friends were hanging around outside. Why I don't know. One of his friends shouted 'UGLY' at me as I walked past them. I had already been putting up with enough already I didn't need this. I walked away quickly only to hear the sound of someone being smacked. I turned around and saw Blaine, fist still balled and his friend's nose bleeding. I looked at him astounded. He had done that for me? He walked over.

'I'm sorry about him, are you okay?' He asked.

'Yes I'm fine, thank you' I said.

'I remember you, Anna right?' He said.

'Yeah! I haven't seen you for ages!' I said.

'I know! I've missed you' He smiled, hugging me. I can honestly say it was like old times. His arms felt like home. I felt like I belonged there, with him. We sat down on the wall and got talking. All the memories were revisited. The pizza hut trips. The park. The sleepovers. Everything.

'Hey Anna, can I talk to you about something that I've kept from you all these years?' He asked suddenly. I looked at him.

'Yeah' I said, unsure.

'Look, I'm just gonna tell you outright. When I met you, I was stunned. I couldn't believe my eyes. I know we were really young and everything but I felt something between us and one day I was hoping that we would be together. I've wanted to tell you this for years because I never got the chance to say goodbye or tell you. I love you and I always have. The day you left, I thought I was going to see you the next week... but you didn't come and I found out why. I thought I'd never see you again and so did Joe. My heart had been ripped out of my chest and I can honestly say that Joe and I have never been the same since. So I want to ask you something before you slip through my fingers again. Will you go out with me?' He asked. I just looked at him astounded. I couldn't believe what I had just heard. This was just about to get messy.


	14. The Day I Had The Time Of My Life

Chapter 14

I was still staring at him two minutes later.

'Look, Blaine, before I say anything can I just tell you something?' I asked.

'Yeah' He smiled.

'I don't really know how to tell you this but I guess I just have to come out with it. You may find this hard to deal with or you may be very understanding.I kind of fell in love with your brother... but I also fell in love with you. Now I understand if you want to take everything you just said back but if it still stands then could I think about it and tell you the answer tomorrow?' I asked.

'Hey, I know all about Joe, he showed me the note you gave him and I don't think it matters that you love him too. You can't get in the way of love and I think if you thought about it... it would be better for the both of us because then I know that you have thought about it properly and not just given me a straight answer' He said. He sounded like he was rambling.

'Okay, thanks Blaine' I smiled.

'Wanna go to the park?' He asked.

'Why not?' I smiled. He took my hand and we walked to the nearby park. Later on I was lying in bed awake, thinking about everything. Secretly I really wanted to be with Blaine but somewhere deep down, I felt like I was betraying Joe. I knew it was stupid to think that because I loved him anyway. I also couldn't help thinking that I was being unfair to Blaine because, maybe I loved Joe more. I really didn't know at that time. I decided to give Blaine a chance and see how a relationship with him felt. When school finished the next day, Blaine was waiting for me by the wall.

'Do you wanna take a walk?' He asked.

'Yeah, why not' I smiled.

'What did you decide?' He asked.

'I think I wanna give it a try' I smiled.

'Really?' He asked.

'Yeah' I smiled. To my surprise he leaned in and kissed me once. As he pulled away I looked at him in surprise. Then I looked into his amazing brown eyes and his black hair falling down across one and I fell in love all over again. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back. I don't know how long it lasted but it went on for a while. I couldn't stop once I had started.

'I love you so much' he whispered, when we'd finished.

'I love you so much too' I smiled. He was so kind and handsome anyone would have wanted him for themselves. I had him, all to myself. He was mine. I suddenly realised how much I actually loved him. We sat down together and talked for ages. I felt at home in his arms. It was like old times. Except Joe wasn't there. I pushed that thought aside. I wasn't going to let him ruin my happiness again. Blaine looked at me like I mattered more to him than anything else in the world. His smile making me feel warm.

'I love you' I smiled. He kissed me.

'I love you too' He said. He walked me home and kissed me on the doorstep.

'Be careful walking home' I smiled.

'Don't you worry, no one will touch me' He grinned. I smiled and kissed him one more time before I went inside. When I shut the door, I squealed with happiness.

'What happened?' I heard Mum call from the living room. I told her everything. She didn't bother asking about Joe. She knew that was a sore subject at the moment. Blaine and I did nearly everything together after that. He would walk me to lessons, we would sit together at break and lunch, we even had lunch at the park one time, we'd go out after school and we were so in love. I thought he was the one for me. I had every reason to believe that. He would kiss and hug me at every chance he got. When I wasn't with him I longed for him. We would text each other endlessly and I would be on the phone with him for hours on end. That's why I was so heartbroken when the words 'I need to talk to you about something' came up and everything ended.


	15. The Day My Heart Snapped In Half

Chapter 15

Blaine and I had been together for two weeks and everything had been going great. We'd spent so much time together and we were practically unseperable. We loved each other so much. Well that's what I thought anyway. A day after we had been together for two weeks, Blaine called me.

'Hey can we meet up?' He asked.

'Uh yeah, why?' I asked.

'I need to talk to you about something' He said.

'Can't you just tell me on the phone?' I asked, laughing a little.

'No, I-I need to talk to you in person, meet me by the computer shop' He said. I almost dropped the phone. He sounded so serious and... guilty. I got down there as soon as possible.

'Hey' He said, smiling weakly.

'Hey' I said.

'I just wanna tell you this now. I'm not exactly proud of this and we've had a great time together but...' Blaine started.

'No Blaine, don't do this, please don't break up with me! There's nothing wrong with us and-' He cut me off.

'You might change your mind after I tell you this' He said, looking down.

'What? Tell me what Blaine?' I cried, tears running down my face.

'I cheated on you with some other girls' He said. My legs suddenly felt like they were going to fail. I felt light headed. I honestly thought that I was going to faint and my heart was already tearing it's way out of my chest, what was left of it anyway.

'How many?' I asked, composing myself.

'Seven' He said. I shook my head.

'No, please tell me this is one of your messed up jokes Blaine because I don't wanna hear this right now, I love you' I screamed at him.

'I'm telling the truth and there is one more thing I have to tell you' He said.

'Oh my god Blaine! Haven't you done enough?' I screeched. I was wrong.

'Everyone told me you were a freak and they dared me to ask you out' He said.

'Oh no, no you didn-' He cut me off again.

'But I found out that you're not a freak and-' I cut him off this time.

'No Blaine! Don't you fucking dare! You loved me so much and shit that you decided to shag seven girls behind my back? You lied to me. Why? What have I ever done to you!' I cried, I was close to breaking. He remained silent.

'I thought you loved me because I loved you so much. We used to be friends. Why would you do this to me? I love you so much. I don't think you realise what you have done to me' I said. I could hardly speak, I could hardly breathe. I just wanted to wake up and know that this was all a dream. Then he walked off. Just like that. Left me standing there. I ran home, not stopping for one moment. My head was banging. I had never felt so heartbroken in all my life. Surely this was the worst? I was so wrong. I generally hated him. He had changed so much. The problem was I still loved him. Even to this day, I still can't let him go.

A few days of heartbreak had passed and I had been thinking. I had been lying on my bed thinking about Blaine and Joe for ages. But for some reason, the ache got worse when I thought of Joe. Did I love him more? This was getting to complicated for words. I kept thinking about Joe. I was fed up of this heartbreak. I wanted to know how Joe truly felt. Not the mixed signs he gave me, the true feeling. I got out a notepad and started writing a letter to him.

_Dear Joe..._

_I'm sorry to give you a message once again but I have to get this out.I know you probably think I just have one of those schoolgirl crushes on you but... the truth is I don't. I'm in love with you. I thought you'd be okay with this but apparently not. I love you so much and I know I dated your brother but I hope you know what he did to me. I just want to know how you feel about me Joe. Please just tell me. I love you. _

_Anna x_

Just as I put the letter into an envelope. A message popped up on facebook. It was from Blaine. I read it.

_This is all your fault..._

I shook my head, tears started running down my face. He had been sending me messages like this since we broke up. Blaming everything on me. He had turned on me like a snake and I had no idea hated me. Blaine Jeraz hated me.


	16. The Day You Tried To Hurt Me

Chapter 16

I gave the letter to Joe the next day. No words. Just a thank you from him as I walked out of the shop. I was hoping and praying that he'd respond in some way. Even if he sent me a letter back. He didn't have to speak to me. It would be a bonus seeing as he hadn't spoken to me at all since all of this had happened. I walked home feeling a little better. I thought that everything was going to be over and okay soon. It was going to be over eventually but it wasn't going to be okay. A few weeks later and I realised that I was getting the same treatment as when I'd given him the note. He hadn't said or done anything about it. I was starting to get fed up with this. Every day when I got home from school, I would fall onto my bed and cry my heart out. Life at school wasn't that easy either. I still loved Blaine whether I liked it or not. He looked so happy. He'd moved on. He was surrounded by friends. Tanya, Kristy and the rest of my friends had abandoned me. Not being able to understand me. My last conversation with Kristy was:

_Kristy says: You're not the same anymore Anna, they've changed you and I don't think I wanna be friends with you anymore._

_Anna says: Why? I haven't changed one bit!_

_Kristy says: Yes you have, you're so unhappy and I can't help you, no one can help you. That's why we can't be friends. They are the only one's who can help you._

_Anna says: I know that but you're going to leave me all by myself?_

_Kristy says: yeah._

I couldn't believe it. Not only had I lost my heart, I'd lost my friends as well. They really did have a lot over me. As I was sat alone one breaktime I saw Blaine striding over to me.

'So they've left you too have they?' He asked.

'Yeah, thanks for that' I said.

'Don't blame me, this is all your fault anyways. I haven't done anything wrong' He said. I looked up at him. Anger filled me. What the hell was wrong with him? I slapped him hard across the face.

'That's for everything you've done. Only that covers half of it. I can't hit you enough to make up for what you and your brother have done to me' I said, anger hissing through my words. He shook his head and walked away. I hated him so much, yet I loved him so much. As I was walking home, I stopped outside the computer shop debating on whether to go in. But before I could decide I saw Joe walk out with a blonde girl. He walked until he was stood in full view of me. He kissed the girl and then hugged her. Tears started to fall down my face. Chills of hurt ran through my body as I saw a smile form on his face as he saw me crying. 'You know Anna, whenever you cry or I see you hurting, it makes me feel the same' I remembered that line so well. Although now I translated it as 'You know Anna, whenever you cry or I see you hurting, it makes me smile because I love hurting you'. I ran off before I could see anymore. I hated it. I can honestly say I have never cried so much in my entire life. I could hardly stand. The tears poured down. What had happened to him. It was like Joe had died and in his place was a monster. I felt the same grief. I knew I'd lost then. I'd lost my fight for him. But that didn't mean I'd give up. I knew that underneath the monster was the Joe I knew and loved so much.

The next day I went into the computer shop. I made sure it was about lunchtime because then Joe would be on his break and another girl would be on the checkout. She was okay. I talked to her sometimes. I bought a new cover for my laptop.

'Hey, how are you?' She asked.

'Not so good' I said.

'Aw why?' She asked. I'd confided in her about Joe once time after my Mum decided to tell her that I fancied Joe.

'It's Joe' I said.

'What's he done now?' She asked.

'I saw him with a girl the other day and...' I told her everything.

'Oh my god. He wouldn't?' She looked down. Somehow I had a bad feeling that this wasn't about that fact that he had a girlfriend.

'What's wrong?' I asked.

'Joe doesn't have a girlfriend. That blonde girl gets paid for acting. Joe paid her to act like his girlfriend' She said. I nearly fainted as I walked out. He was trying to hurt me now. Why? That's all I'd been asking myself lately.


	17. The Day We Worked It Out

Chapter 17

I went back into the computer shop a week later but only because Mum needed some more ink. I only ever wanted to go in there when I had to now. I was fed up of my heart being ripped out everytime I saw him. I wanted to block him out but I couldn't. I loved him too much. As soon as I went into the computer shop my heart dropped on the floor. He looked up from what he was doing. I walked over to the ink without saying anything. As he was serving me he suddenly said.

'Hey, what was wrong with you the other day?'.

'Oh, so you finally recognise that I exist then?' I said.

'Look I'm sorry' He said. My heart melted as his eyes looked into mine. A tear fell down my face.

'Why? Why did you do that Joe? I thought you were better than that! You're just like Blaine' I cried.

'Please just let me explain. Can we meet up at 1:00?' He asked.

'Whatever' I said. I walked out. I hated speaking to him like that. I loved him so much but I had to, to let him know what I was going through. To stop him. At 1:00 as promised he met me at the top of the street.

'Hey' He said.

'Okay, first, before you say anything else and "explain yourself" I'd just like to ask you. Why did you ignore me? Do you know what I have had to go through, all the pain? Not only have you ignored me but you've lied to me, I mean... why didn't you just tell me you weren't busy that time when I asked you out?' I cried.

'I know I've been a twat and it's not like me. I didn't mean to hurt you' He said.

'Why did you pay that girl then?' I asked.

'I'm still asking myself the same question. That was so stupid and I'm sorry' he said.

'Joe, you really aren't sounding genuine right now and why the hell haven't you replied to my letters?' I asked.

'You know we can never be together, I'm to old for you and you're to young for me' he said. I shook my head.

'The age difference shouldn't matter. Whether you're young or old, it's about the love between two people. At least I'm human enough to admit my feelings for someone without being ashamed. I have taken so many risks because of my love for you and you just... you just don't care. You have no idea what that feels like' I said.

'I do care but...' He trailed off.

'But what? Joe, you're the only person who can fill the emptiness and the ache inside my heart. I don't want to be broken hearted for the rest of my life. It hurts Joe. It hurts so much and I just want you to make it stop' I said, tears were falling down now.

'I never wanted it to come to this' He said.

'Nor did I. We were such good friends and I thought you'd understand' I said.

'I do understand. Look, how about we work something out. We can be friends and then take it from there maybe?' He asked. I wanted him so badly. I nodded.

'Come on, let's hang out' he smiled. He put his arm around me. We spent two hours at the park remembering everything.

'Do you remember when my Dad fell in the pool?' He laughed.

'Yeah! How is he anyway?' I asked.

'He's fine. Hey, do you want to come round?' He asked.

'Yeah why not? I'll just call my Mum and she can pick me up' I smiled. He nodded. I called my Mum and she said everything was fine.

'Great' He smiled. He took me up to his house, where most of my memories still resided. The ghosts of what used to be are still there. Brandon and Elsie looked in shock.

'Anna! We haven't seen you for ages!' Elsie smiledm hugging me.

'It's so good to see you again' Brandon smiled.

'You too. I miss being here' I smiled.

'Aw, you'll have to come round more often again' Elsie said.

'I'd love too' I smiled.

'We know what happened with Blaine and I can assure you that I will not let him hurt you again' Brandon said.

'Thanks' I said. I was going to be feeling more hurt soon than he could ever stop.


	18. The Day I Got It All Back

Chapter 18

By the next week we were best friends again. It was just like old times. I went round his house nearly every day and we would always hang out together. He picked me up from school every day and if I couldn't hang out with him because I was busy or something, he would walk me home anyway. I loved him. We were only friends and I knew that was all we'd probably ever be... but being friends with him again was better than nothing. I had him back. I had found the real Joe again. I was round Joe's house one day and we were sorting out his CD's, when we came across a familiar single.

'Hey do you remember this one?' He asked, bringing out an dusty copy of vanessa carlton's 'a thousand miles'.

'More than you know' I grinned. He put it on.

'Do you remember that crazy dance I made up to it?' He laughed.

'Yeah, that too' I laughed. He had so many CD's. The killers, Papa roach, Metallica, Nightwish, they were all bands that we both loved and had always listened to.

'You know, I've kept all of these CD's in this box because they remind me so much of you. I used to feel so sad when I listened to them that I put them away and forgot about them. I thought I'd done the same with you but... you have always been in the back of my mind somewhere. And now I have you back, even though I've wasted so much time trying to push you away. You've been so forgiving and I can never thank you enough for staying by me' He smiled.

'Joe you mean everything to me. I've never forgotten about you and I've spent so much time wanting to hang out like this again, like we used to and I'm so lucky to have this... to have you' I smiled. He nodded and got all of the CD's out of the box.

'I don't need to keep them in there anymore' He grinned, putting them on the shelf. I smiled.

'I'm gonna get a drink' He said. He dissapeared downstairs. I carried on looking through his CD's. Fair play he had some great stuff. I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. That was quick. Then I realised it was Blaine. He looked at me with so much hatred.

'What's the deal with you and Joe?' He asked.

'We're friends, is that a problem?' I asked.

'Nope, just wondering why he's being so weak' He said. I walked up to him and slapped him... again.

'You're brother is not being weak. He's just not a coward and actually has some heart left in him. What happened to you Blaine? I don't know what I've done to make you hate me so much' I said, my voice choking up at the end. He opened his mouth to say something. He had a look of defeated sadness in his eyes.

'I guess I just learned to fight the feelings' He said, his eyes filling with tears. Then he went out of the room. He was still in there. That one moment, I had finally seen him again. Joe came back in.

'Hey you okay? Did Blaine say something to you?' He asked,

'No, we were just... talking' I said. He nodded.

'Cool, I was thinking, why don't you have this one' He smiled, picking up the vanessa carlton single again.

'Really?' I asked.

'Yeah, hang on, let me write something in there' He smiled. He grabbed a pen and scribbled away. Then he closed it and gave it to me. I went to open it but he stopped me.

'Don't open it until you feel the need to' He said. I nodded.

'Okay' I smiled. It would be three whole years until I opened that CD case. I can honestly say I have never been so in love with someone in my entire life and I don't think I ever will be. The feeling I got when I looked at him and saw him looking back at me in the same way, was undescribable.

'Hey I was wondering, if it's not too weird, would you like to sleep over?' He asked. I had wanted him to say that again for what felt like a lifetime.

'Yes! Of course I would' I smiled.

'Great!' He smiled.

'What about Blaine?' I asked.

'We can sleep downstairs if you want' He said.

'Sounds great! I'll go call my Mum to bring a bag over' I smiled. I went downstairs to use the house phone. Mum said it was fine and brought a bag over half an hour later.

'Anna's sleeping over tonight' Joe said to Brandon and Elsie.

'Oh my god that's great!' Elsie cried. They loved it when I slept over. That night Joe and I decided that we were going to watch movies all night.

'What would you like to watch?' He asked, opening the DVD cabinet.

'Can we watch Indiana Jones?' I asked.

'Yeah, I love Indiana Jones' He smiled. We put a quilt on the sofa and a quilt on the floor but we weren't really planning to go to sleep.

'Do you remember those promises I made?' He asked.

'Yeah' I smiled.

'I kept all of them but one and I hate myself for that' He said.

'You shouldn't because you've healed that hurt now' I said.

'Have I?' He asked.

'Yeah, did you read my letters?' I asked.

'Yeah, countless times. By the way you didn't need to tell me who you were. I knew who you were already, I just didn't know whether you knew who I was' He said.

'Of course I did, I would never forget you' I said.

'I'm sorry for ignoring you, I guess I was just trying to run away from losing you again' He said.

'You'll never lose me again' I said. The truth was a different story.


	19. The Day It Was Taken Away From Me

Chapter 19

Two years later, Joe and I were still best friends. We hadn't fallen out once and we were always together. Blaine and I were... talking I guess. We weren't friends but we weren't enemies. We both knew that deep down we loved each other to bits. If it came to it, I knew Blaine would be there for me in a fight. Joe was still working at the computer shop which was great because sometimes I would get free covers for my laptop. I had so many now. I was sixteen now and I was going into sixth form in September. On the last day of school, Joe came to pick me up.

'Hey, I need to talk to you, can we go back to my house' He asked. I nodded.

'Sure' I smiled. We walked to his house and went into his room.

'Look, I really don't want to tell you this and I know it's going to break my heart as much as it will yours' He started.

'Joe, what is this about?' I asked, starting to get worried.

'Anna, we're moving' He said.

'Why's that so bad? Where are you moving to?' I asked.

'We're moving back to Brazil' He said.

'What?' I said, unable to speak. A tear fell down my face. I was going to lose him again.

'Come here' He whispered as a tear fell down his face.

'I don't want to lose you Joe, I love you so much' I cried.

'I don't want to lose you either' He cried. He held me in his arms.

'When are you going?' I asked.

'Next week' He said.

'Next week?' I cried. I wanted this to all be a dream. Just as everything was going so right and I'd found happiness, it was all going to be taken away from me. Fate has it's way of tearing you down.

'I'm going to miss you so much' He whispered, stroking my hair. I nodded.

'I'm going to miss you' I whispered. I stayed with him for the next week, not wanting to leave him for one second. I wanted to spend every last minute I had with him. My heart was going to be torn out of my chest by the end of the week and I knew it. I was going to be alone. It was going to be a summer of hell. As summer without Joe. Just like the four summers a few years ago. The day came. I saw the van pull up to pick up the last of the belongings. I hugged all of them at the front door. Even Jane and Blaine. I couldn't believe this was happening. I watched them all get in the car. I saw Joe's eyes fill with tears as he saw me waiting there on his old doorstep. I had been in tears all morning but this was the height of it all. Actually watching them being taken away from me. It hurt so much. As they drove off Joe hung his head out of the window.

'I will never forget you, ever' I mouthed to him.

'I will never forget you, ever' He mouthed back. I fell to the floor on his doorstep, wanting to wake up. I spent the next year wanting to wake up from the nightmare. Every day I spent wanting him, I needed him. I thought about him every living moment. Remembering everything we's had together for the past two years and the years before that. I remembered him chasing me around the garden. His laughter echoing in my head. His voice as he recited those promises was still fresh in my mind, as if he had just said it. The heart ache couldn't compare to anything. I was always crying and hurt and I couldn't make it go away. There was no way out. I started contemplating suicide. I couldn't live without him. The amount of times I opened my bedroom window or grabbed a kitchen knife but broke down at the last minute because I still had hope that he would come back. I realised after time that I was waiting for him. Who could blame me? I would never give up on him.

It had been a year since he had moved away. I was sat reading a book on a bench in the park. Wallowing in my sadness like I did all the time. Then out of the corner of my eye, I saw someone walking towards me. I looked up and dropped my book on the floor as I saw who it was. I ran into the arms of Joe. He'd come back.


	20. The Day It Seemed So Bright

Chapter 20

Tears fell down my face as he held me.

'You came back!' I cried. He was in tears too.

'Yes, we've moved back for good, I won't be going anywhere' He said.

'I missed you so much, too much!' I cried.

'I missed you too! I have something to tell you by the way' He said.

'What is it?' I asked.

'I've bought a new place in town and I'm moving in, in a few days' He smiled.

'Oh my god really?' I cried.

'Yeah! You can come over whenever you want' He grinned.

'Yes!' I cried.

'Thing is though, if you stay over, you'll have to share a room with me' He smiled.

'I think I can live with that' I grinned. I burst into tears again.

'Hey what's wrong?' He asked.

'I'm just so happy that you're back' I smiled. I was so overwhelmed with happiness that I thought I was going to pass out.

'Aww, me too. Listen, do you want to come back to my house?' He asked. I nodded eagerly. I picked up the book that was lying on the floor and walked with him. When we got to the front door he asked:

'Have you opened the letter or the CD case yet?' He asked.

'Nope' I said.

'Good' He smiled.

'Why?' I asked.

'Never mind' He smiled. I nodded. As soon as we went inside I ran up to Elsie and Brandon and leapt into their arms.

'Thank you, thank you, thank you so much for coming back!' I cried. The tears came back again.

'It's great to be back, you're welcome' Brandon smiled. Joe took me up to his bedroom. I had been to see the house. I used to stare into it's blackness, the memories echoing around my mind. It's emptiness had scared me. That place felt like my home and it was, in my mind, gone.

'Hey Anna' I heard someone say. I looked over to the second bed in the room and saw Blaine. I walked over and hugged him.

'It's great to see you again Blaine' I said.

'I never thought I'd hear you say that again Anna, friends?' He smiled, holding his hand out. I nodded.

'Friends' I smiled, shaking his hand. Joe smiled at the scene. I think he'd wanted this for a while.

'I love being in my old room again' He grinned.

'I love being in your old room too' I smiled.

'Do you want to stay tonight?' Blaine asked.

'Sure' I smiled.

'We're gonna have a little celebration of our 'being back' tonight. You can join us' Joe smiled.

'Great! Are you sure?' I asked.

'Anna, you've always been classed as part of the family, of course I'm sure' Joe grinned. I was touched. They classed me as part of their family? Still? I hugged Joe and Blaine again.

'What was that for?' They grinned at the same time.

'Like I said, I'm so happy that you're back' I smiled. They laughed. A few days later I was helping Joe pack again, but this time I was happy. He was moving into his new flat and I was going to be staying with him for the night to help him get settled. Although he was like twenty, he was like my brother, I wanted to make sure he was happy.

'Nice place' I grinned, as I helped him move the boxes into his new flat.

'Thanks, you'd better like it because I can assure you, you are going to be seeing a lot of it' He smiled. I laughed. I couldn't wait for the years ahead. They were going to be filled with Joe and I, our friendship and happiness. At least that's what I thought. I watched him as he unpacked everything. He looked so happy, so... alive! He couldn't wait to have a place of his own, all to himself.

'You know Anna, you can class this as your house too... think of it as your second home' He smiled.

'Really? Thanks!' I cried.

'You're the main reason I wanted to come back, being without you, it killed me' He said.

'Same here, there wasn't a day that I didn't think about you' I said. He nodded. That night, Joe offered to sleep on the floor.

'Joe? You are not sleeping on the floor!' I grinned.

'Seriously! Where are you going to sleep then?' He laughed.

'I will sleep on the floor' I said. He shook his head.

'I gave up arguing with you a long time ago seeing as you always win. Alright you can sleep on the floor but if you get uncomfortable, you must tell me' He smiled.

'I've taught you well' I grinned. I sat on the bed next to him.

'You know Anna, you're a special girl' He smiled.

'You really think that?' I asked.

'Yeah, not many people could go through what you've been through' He said.

'Some people go through worse than that, and they don't always get a happy ending like I have' I smiled.

'It's not the end, it's just the start' He smiled. He was so right. By the end of the night, I was in his bed. It was getting cold so I had to give in to him. He kept me warm. One of his arms was tucked around me while I snuggled into his chest.

'I love you so much' I whispered.

'Hmm, love you too' He whispered. I was sorting out some old CD's in my room the next day when I got the call. My phone rang so I stopped what I was doing and went over to it. It was Joe.

'Hey Joe' I said.

'Hey Anna, it's not Joe, it's Brandon' Brandon said.

'Oh hey, what's wrong' I asked.

'Joe's just come out of hospital' He said.

'What? Why?' I cried.

'Anna, he's got cancer' Brandon said. Those four words changed my life forever.


	21. The Day I'll Never Forget

Chapter 21

All I can remember from that moment is the sound of the phone dropping on the floor and it all going black. My Mum later woke me up.

'What happened Anna?' She asked. I suddenly realised what Brandon had said and burst into tears. I could hardly breathe.

'J-J-Joe' I whispered, choking up. I was barely able to speak.

'What about him?' She asked.

'H-H-He's got cancer' I choked out. I went to see him later that day.

'Joe!' I cried, flinging my arms around him.

'Hey Anna, don't cry' He whispered.

'How can you be so relaxed about this?' I asked.

'Because I know I'm going to be just fine, don't worry about me. We'll do this together and I'll beat cancer' He said.

'Where is it?' I asked.

'My brain' He said. I shook my head.

'You don't deserve this Joe' I said. He held me closer.

'I don't want to lose you for the third time' I whispered, bursting into tears again.

'You're not going to lose me' He said, stroking my hair. He reassured me that everything was going to be fine and that he was going to come out alive. I can honestly say, I believed him. I always did. Mainly because I wanted it to be true and I knew he wouldn't lie to me after what we'd been through.

'How did your parents take it?' I asked.

'Not too good, but we're a strong family' He said. I nodded.

'I know that' I whispered. I made sure I saw him every day after that. I spent most nights around his flat. His parents knew that I would make sure he was taking his medication and was looking after himself properly. They knew I loved him and didn't want anything to happen to him. I watched him get thinner, frailer. One day I guess it just got too much for him.

'Are you okay?' I asked.

'I'm freaking fine! What do you think Anna? I've got fucking cancer!' He screeched at me. I looked at him in shock. He had never shouted at me.

'Anna, I'm sorry, I- I'm just so scared' He whispered, tears falling down his face. I nodded and hugged him.

'So am I' I whispered. I knew after that, that we were losing him. His anger was getting more out of control as he got frustrated with his cancer.

'What have I done that's so bad, that I have to live with this?' He would scream.

'Nothing Joe! Nothing' I would cry. He was going downhill and I hated watching it. I had to though. He needed me. I needed him. I needed to make sure that he was okay, that he could reach his drink okay, that he didn't fall down the stairs when he went out, that he took the right amount of pills... there was so much. His parents were around all the time but somehow I felt that I needed to be there too. One day though, I was at home and my phone rang again.

'Hey' I said. It was Brandon.

'Anna, please don't take this the wrong way and you know we love you but... you're just making him worse and I think you should stay away. Thank you. Bye' He said. Then he hung up. I was unable to comprehend what I had just heard. I melted to the floor. I was so worried about him. I spent every day from then wanting to go and see if he was okau. I knew they'd call me if anything bad happened but... I was still so worried. I would walk past the street he lived on and start crying. I would walk past the computer shop and start crying. He was everywhere. I didn't know that it was about to get a lot worse. On one of those countless days I spent worrying I got a call.

'Hello Anna, it's Brandon, I'm calling from the hospital' He said.

'Hello, what's wrong?' I asked, frantic.

'Anna, he can't do it without you, I should have never told you to stay away. He needs you' Brandon said, sadness echoing through his voice.

'I'm on my way' I said. Mum took me to the hospital and told me to call her when I was done. Slowly I walked into the hospital, dreading what I was about to see. Brandon showed me where he was. My heart sunk to the ground and tears fell as I saw Joe... or what was left of him. He was pale, distant and the usual smile had dissappeared.

'Anna' He whispered, his voice croaky.

'Joe' I said, walking over to his bedside.

'I missed you' He whispered.

'Yeah, I missed you too' I said.

'I have a lot of things that I want to say to you' He whispered.

'Go ahead, just don't strain yourself, you need all the strength you can get' I said. I sat down next to him and held his hand.

'I'm sorry Anna' He whispered.

'For what?' I asked.

'For everything. I wish I could turn back time and change everything I did to hurt you' He whispered.

'Joe...' I started.

'No Anna. I never told you. The whole time, I-I loved you and I always will, it haunts me that I wasted all that time worrying about all of the risks instead of thinking about what we could achieve together' He whispered. Tears fell down my face.

'Life dies Anna, but love goes on forever' He whispered. I leant over and did what I'd wanted to do in a long time. I kissed him.

'Don't talk like this Joe, you are not going to die. That time I said that you were just like Blaine, I didn't mean it' I whispered.

'Anna, you don't need to apologise' He whispered.

'I love you so much Joe, more than you can ever know' I cried, tears falling down my face. I cannot explain the pain you feel when you see the one you love in pain and on deaths door. When the one you love is old it hurts really really bad but nothing can compare to your twenty one year old best friend that you have known for most of your life dying before your eyes and there's nothing you can do but watch.

'I love you too Anna, always and forever' He whispered. At the end of the sentence his breath stifled and he went a little paler. He closed his eyes and stopped moving. I stood up.

'Joe? Joe? Joe?' I screamed, shaking him. He didn't wake up. Then the heart monitor started beeping. There was no heart beat. Doctors and nurses came running in. They had to drag me out before I would leave him.

'Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe!' I cried incesantly as they pulled me out of the room. I curled up in a ball on the floor. I was still screaming his name a few minutes later when a doctor came out of the room.

'Please tell me he's okay, please, I'm begging you!' I cried.

'I'm afraid, we lost him' The doctor said.


	22. The Day It Was Time To Say Goodbye

Chapter 22

It suddenly dawned that I would never see him again.

'NOOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOO!' I screamed, punching the floor.

'We're going to prepare his body for the morgue, we will tell you when you can come and say goodbye' The doctor said, then he turned and walked away. I didn't want to have to say goodbye. We were supposed to grow up, get married, have kids and grow old together. He wasn't supposed to die. The worst thing was, he didn't deserve it. I knew Elsie and Brandon would be beyond devastated. As I sat there on the floor crying, I heard the hospital radio. It was playing a familiar song. A thousand miles by vanessa carlton. _'Makin my way downtown, walkin fast, faces pass and I'm homebound. Staring blankly ahead, just making my way, makin my way through the crowd'. _I remembered it so well in my head. The dance he did, his laugh echoing through my head. '_And I need you. And I miss you. And now I wonder'. _I did need him and I did miss him, already. The doctor came out and told me that I could go and see him. Last time they told me that, he was still breathing and his heart was still beating. That heart so full of love. That heart that didn't deserve to stop. I went in and I was left alone with him.

'Hey Joe' I whispered. I knew that was pathetic and decided to blurt everything out to him. The things that I had never told him, the things that I wished I had told him.

'You weren't supposed to end like this Joe, we weren't supposed to end like this. Not this way. I can still remember the first time I ever met you. I think I fell in love with you instantly, I just didn't realise it. When I saw you're brown eyes and your beautiful smile' I paused as tears fell down my face and I choked up.

'I know you wouldn't want to see me like this Joe but I can't forget everything. Nothing can make me forget. You're still alive but you're in here. In my heart forever. And no matter who else I'm with, you will always be there. In my mind. In my heart. In my soul. Like you said, Life dies but love lives on forever. I will never forget how you used to chase me around the back garden, I can still hear your laughter in my head. We used to watch the sunset together, do you remember? We used to play football together and I remember those stupid dances and the things you used to say that would make me laugh. And those promises. You didn't break any of them Joe. You didn't mean to hurt me and I've known that from the start. I wish I could take a lot of things back but I would never ever, ever take back any of the times we had together or all the memories we've made. I love you so much, I can't describe it. You will never know how much I love you because there is no words or anything to show it. I love you. Plain and simple. I don't want to say goodbye to you Joe but... you are in a better place now. You won't be in pain or suffer and I know you will always be with me. Just come and say hi. I won't be afraid' The tears were unstoppable. I was crying so much.

'Oh god. We're always losing each other aren't we. It's like fate doesn't want us to be together' I whispered. Just then the door opened.

'You've got a minute left' The doctor said. I nodded and the door closed again.

'I have to go now. I don't want to. I don't want to leave you. Ever. I'm sorry Joe' I choked.

'Goodbye Joe' I whispered, kissing his lips and hugging him one last time. I knew that would be the last time that I would ever hug him. I exited the room and fell to my knees. Burying my face into my hands, I let everything out. I felt somene pick me up and hug me close. I looked up to see the tear-stained face of Blaine.

'We're gonna need each other' He whispered. I nodded.

'Yeah' I whispered, I buried my face into his chest and cried my heart out. He kissed the top of my head an stroked my back as he cried too.

Elsie and Brandon have never been the same since. None of them have really. This event has brought me and Blaine closer. Two weeks after, I was helping with Joe's belongings.

'Joe wanted you to have this' Elsie whispered hugging me and handing me a box. It said 'Anna' in capital letters on it.

'You were so good to him Anna, I can't begin to explain how happy you made him' She said. I nodded.

'Thank you' I said. When I got home I opened the box. There were pictures in it, of him and me. CD's we used to listen to. There was one of his shirts in there. It had 'the killers' written on it. I remembered it as being the shirt he wore the first time I ever met him. I smelt it. It smelt like him. I burst into tears and held it close to me. Pretending it was him. There was a note in there. _'You can open the CD case and read the letter now :)' _He'd written. I reached under my bed where they were. I read the letter.

_Dear Anna._

_I've had cancer for a while. I didn't want to tell you because... I didn't want to worry you. I'm getting better now but you opening this means I am gone. But I can assure you, not completely. I will be with you all the time. I will never forget you and I will always love you. Just, don't be afraid of the future and don't feel that you are betraying me if you marry someone else because you deserve the happiness. Take every oppurtunity you get because you may not have it again. And enjoy life to it's full, appreciate what you've already got instead of dwelling on what you haven't. You will have Blaine and I can assure you, whatever amount of stupidity and bastardness (if that's even a word!) he has inside him. Deep down he loves you just as much as I do and he will protect you and look after you. I'm writing this in 2007 so I don't know what the future of you and me is going to be like. What's going to happen in between me being here and gone but just appreciate everything because, like me, you may not have it for very long. I love you so much, more than I can say._

_All my love,_

_Joe xxxx _

Tears were falling down my face by the end of it. Inside the CD case was _'I love you more than words can explain- Joe xxxxxxx'_. I pulled it out and stuck it on my wall, as a reminder of what we had. We spread Joe's ashes on the park that we used to go to. Where most of his happiest memories were at. I still play that song, a thousand miles. And I can swear that in the corner of my eye. I can see Joe dancing to it.

_'Cause you know that I'd walk a thousand miles if I could just see you, if I could just hold you... tonight'_


End file.
